i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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