dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
