You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Randomize
