Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
