I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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