the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
