$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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