how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
