So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
