I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
