My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
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