So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
