there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
