Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
