turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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