Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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