I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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