Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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