our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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