I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Floor bacon is actually really good
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
