Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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