I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
