Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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