So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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