I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
