Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
