so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
