someone threw a dead crab at me
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
