I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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