One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
