wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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