I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
