I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
