I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Hippo gnu deer
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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