Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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