Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
