Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
