just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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