ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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