Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
