My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
