if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
