wat bout pragnant strippers??
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Help. Why am I so naked?
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