the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
