Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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