Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
