I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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