i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
