so that wasnt chicken after all
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
