My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
