Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
he just fucked me for my cheese..
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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