those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
