maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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