I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
