I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
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